constant change

The only thing constant is change.
These last couple of months have been the epitome of this statement. It has all been completely overwhelming- sometimes in the best way possible and in some ways the saddest and hardest.
We are blessed beyond words to have a second chance at owning a home. It is beautiful on the inside with just a few more finishing touches to go. The outside is a whole other story. We'll just put it this way- I check HGTV's website every other day to see if I can get on one of their shows to spruce it up because that is one area we are totally clueless as to where to even begin! I am trying to be patient as we have run completely dry of funds to do anything more to it for the moment. It is good for us to wait and do a little bit at a time. I thank God that we were fortunate enough to even get all that we did get done, done.
A couple of weeks ago, we took our dog of 7 years to the animal shelter. It was one of the most emotional moments of my life and I am still having trouble forgiving myself. He has been our baby up until Preson came into the world and I pray that he got adopted into a loving home where he will become someone else's baby.

That same day I came back to the house and we went over to our old house to pick up the last of our things. While we were there, the buyers showed up for the final walkthrough which we were not expecting and before we knew it we realized we were standing in our beloved first home for the last time. It was a gut-wrenching day to say the least.

As many know, my Preson is not a hungry fellow- he has very little appetite or interest in food. Dont know where he gets that from. My husband and I have been battling a food fight at every meal with him. For the last 2 months he was refusing to eat most anything. We took him to a specialist who was really pushing the feeding tube. We have been on a 2 month waiting list to go to feeding therapy. I have gone from feeding him homemade organic baby foods to whatever I can keep him from spitting out (not usually the healthiest foods). We have sat at the highchair for what has seemed like hours. It has just been recently when I have decided to stop force feeding and try to make meal time a more family-oriented event. He still doesnt eat much, but ALAS- he is at least eating! I pray over my little one every day and I am so tired. I told my husband the other day that I feel like aone of those ragdoll mommys that has the most disasterous house that is too far gone to even think about tackling, most days Im in my PJ's until noon and I spend my life crawling on the floor, following my baby around with a spoon. I know God is using this in my life to refine me and teach me to trust him. I know I can trust him, but there are times when it just feels like I dont know how to be obedient in this way. It is like I am holding onto this burden as tight as I can and I dont know how to let go. I have to ask God to pry my fingers open to take it from me because I have no idea how to surrender it to him! As I pray this each day, I am more and more at ease and as a result, my baby is eating more and not fighting us with this looming struggle that I have been so used to.

On a lighter and wonderful note- my little baby boy has experienced quite the string of events as well! He has turned one year old! He had his first birthday in his new house and it was a day to remember! The house was bursting at the seams with those that love Preson almost as much as we do. They say not to invite too many to a baby's first birthday so as to not overwhelm them, but he handled it beautifully. I cant resist the chance to bring all of our loved ones under one roof for a chance to celebrate! He pawed at his little birthday "smash" cake, without any tears I might add; he sat up on our dining table and opened his birthday presents although many debate that I was having more fun with this part than he was; and he just soaked up every snuggle, hug and kiss that was sent his way.

The next day was his baby dedication- better late than never, right? It was a moment in Preson's history that our family will never forget. Our dear friend, Ryan Young bestowed the most beautiful dedication on Preson. I will always think of this day when I see a metal compass. It could not have been more special or perfect of a weekend.

Though these last two months have felt like a year, it has been rich with lessons learned and I do feel like I am gaining some footing as I get into a new routine and attempt to get the hang of this new lifestyle- being a mommy, renovating a house, cultivating friendships, counseling and mentoring, opening our home when it is not finished, and living communally amongst those in our church.
Sorry for the loooong thread for those of you who even make it to the end :) Ive always admired those who can post a beautiful blog with only a sentence or two and it say everything. I am simply not a woman of few words! Its been awhile and I have had a lot of catching up in my blog and this isnt even the half of it!
Psalm 121: 1,2
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.


rachel.lyn said...

That Bible verse is beautiful. Your family is beautiful. Your words are beautiful. I, for one, have always admired people that can write long blogs full of eloquent words that so perfectly describe things...I am not one of those people! haha..anyway, you are doing a fantastic job with Preson. I will keep him (and YOU!) in my prayers as you make your way through these trials...like you, I worry over everything with my daughter. You can't help it, you are a mommy! But God tells us not to worry and I have to remind myself of that on a daily basis. It's a constant, constant struggle for me.

I love you friend and you have been such an encouragement to me this morning!


Sarah Elinor said...

Rachel, Thank you for your encouragement. It is great to have a friend at a similar place in life! Thank you so much for your prayers.