wife of a preacher man
I'm the preacher's wife. There I said it. I have always refused to introduce myself to people with this label for fear of the expectations that comes attached to it. The idea that I am THE woman in the church to look up to and go to for spiritual mentoring; the idea of having to act a certain way and talk a certain way and look a certain way has always turned me sooo off! I subconsciously have done things to offset people's mindset of this and have been determined to stand true to who I am. My husband and I are just like anyone else struggling along in their journey to know God. There is of course the temptation to "act" in a way that perceives us as "PASTOR"- we of course want people to know they can come to us for anything. After all, what pastors dont want the respect of the people (older and younger) of their flock? But we refuse to act and we are determined to be ourselves. We pretty much blend right in with everyone else to the point that people are suprised when they find out my husband is the actual pastor and they were hitting it off with the pastor's wife (God FORBID!). It is our hope and prayer that we don't ever set ourselves on a pedestal of any kind.
A few years back, I went through a time where God deconstructed my faith and I asked the question, why do I do what I do or don't do? What is the true biblical reasoning for my actions? It broke down everything. I decide to stop doing things because I had trained my mind to do them robotically and to really learn to do things God's way to the best I knew how.
I stopped having my daily quiet time, because I felt I was doing it legalistically. I stopped tithing the exact 10% on the exact date every month. I began praying more and felt God leading me toward more solitude and spending time in his creation.
I say all that to say that, while God has opened my eyes to so much in some areas- over time, my walk with the Lord became somewhat unbalanced-heavy in the prayer department and very light in the reading and studying of the Word of God. I have studied through The Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and God has taught me through it that it is not necessarily a bad thing to discipline yourself in the reading and studying of the Word of God. I have found that sometimes Satan can use the fear of legalism to trick us toward laziness in our faith and get us away from spiritual disciplines. Once you get away from a spiritual discipline, it is very difficult to regain that discipline. Such is life in every way, I suppose.
Recently I went to a Beth Moore conference with a friend and was tremendously burdened to take my walk with God to the next level. I actually felt a strong burden for the women of our church as well. Over the last year and a half, I have had some tremendous life changes that have made it very difficult to invest as much as I should be investing in the lives around me. I had my first baby. We went through a shortsale. We bought a condemned house and renovated it. My grandmother passed away. Our church has really gone through a growth spurt. The list goes on and on. I knew it was time to step it up and get serious about community with these women- I have not gotten to have that with them as I would like to over this last year. So there is a group of women in our church that got as excited as I did about the idea of doing a study. It is Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore and Kay Arthur's, Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed. We had our first study this last Sat and it was like a breath of fresh air in my life! It was wonderful to connect with these women and to get back in the Word on a daily basis. I was humbled by the bravery and honesty that these women showed in sharing their hearts. Some that are totally lost in their personal journey to knowing God, some that are struggling with their families, others that are hurting in other ways. I know we are going to all be very close by the end of the summer.
I am just so thankful to know that you can have a great relationship with God through prayer and solitude and community, BUT why stop there when God has given us the tools to go so much deeper? Our little lives are but a vapor on this earth and we use so little of it for the actual purpose of our existence. I hope to be more balanced as I look forward to having my second baby in November. I hope to not stop living. Having a baby is the toughest adjustment I have ever had in my life, but it is a part of life and now it is time I get back on track with having a bit more balance. God. Family. Community. Friends. Me. Home. Health. Nature. Technology. the list goes on...