stop this train

Psalm 118. 24
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

So the other day, my husband and I are driving along and talking life and how fast it is flying by. Lately, when I look at him, I see the 17-year-old lanky skater boy with his guitar. I have been reminiscing so much about the old days and thinking of how life is going by so quickly it is like I am screaming for it to slow down.


The boy I fell in love with- my first love.


Saving the real kiss for our wedding day


lovers.

I think back to those first years of dating together and then I think of our lives now. We were so free and carefree then. We didnt have a concern in the world, except for how we were going to pay for the next road trip and how we were going to find time to study for finals with all the fun stuff we had planned to do before we headed home from college. Would I have ever then, looked ahead to see our lives play out the way they have? We now are pastoring a church filled with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. We have loved and lost many, but pour our lives into who God has placed in front of us for the present season. We have lost a house and renovated a shack into a beautiful home. We have seen friends marry, babies born and family members pass on.


My brother dancing with his beautiful bride on their wedding day

I have had successful jobs and I have not-so-successful jobs, only to land the most rewarding job I have ever had of being a full time mama. We have received the most amazing blessing of all as of this last year, our precious baby boy, Preson Peek. We are expecting another little one come this November. After experiencing the joy we have received from our first, we know we want a big family. Maybe next time we will wait just a little longer than this time before moving onto the third though!


8 months Pregnant with Preson


The first moment I saw my little boy

So back to my car ride with my hubby- we are talking about how fast life is going and then a song comes on that makes us sit in silence for the next 4 minutes and even bring a tear to my eye. It talks of how fast the train of life is going and how we want it to stop. We want it to slow down. We want to stop and enjoy the scenery just a little longer. Then wisdom enters the picture and explains how we should never stop the train, but rather enjoy the ride.


Savor each moment even more, because it IS going so fast. Enjoy the people in your life now to the fullest, because one day life just may move them to another place. Enjoy your babies in every phase of life they are presently in- never to look forward to the next. Go outdoors and savor nature and God's beauty at least once a day.



Never let a day go by without telling your spouse and children that you love them- truly. Live a life that prays without hesitating, because you just naturally point your thoughts toward God. Find a person in your life that is not your spouse that you can look up to, mentor you and spur you on in life to be a better person than you already are. And remember you are that to many whether you know it or not.


My mom holding my cousin, Jamie in her lap; Im in the middle and that's my sissy on the right


I used to take a nap and watch cable tv in this chair every sunday at my Grandmas


Visitation day with my sister at Camp Tracey Children's Home


Homecoming Court Parade


The song is by John Mayer and it is appropriately called, "Stop This Train"

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

mama's boy

Little P
I am so blessed beyond measure with your little 13 month old life.
I love how you make us laugh just by flashing us your little grin- and you know it, so you do it constantly.
I love how when you play peek a boo, you pull the entire towel behind your head instead of stopping in front of your face because you cant handle not being able to look at us for that moment.
I love how you recently discovered your shadow and when you catch it, you will just quietly lift your arm up and down, up and down- it is as though you are in utter awe of it.
I love how you love to put daddy's hats on and then quickly pull them off so that you can put them on our head instead- yet you WILL NOT wear a hat your own size when I try to dress you up.
I love how you cant wait for the "monkey in the box" to get around to popping open, so you push the little notch to pop him up as soon as he gets stuffed back down into his box.
I love how you toddle from side to side as you walk as fast as you can across a room.
I love how when taking your bath, you splash as hard as you can with that huge grin that is so big that it scrunches up your whole face.
I love how when you see my tickle fingers, you come running to me, belly-laughing before I even get the chance to tickle you!
I love how you just start clapping anytime we ask you to.
I love how when you see a tissue or napkin, you rub it on your face so as to imitate mommy blowing her nose.
I love it how when you are heading in a direction your not supposed to and when you notice me coming for you, you start walking or crawling away as fast as you can and then squeal with laughter when I grab you up into my arms.
I love how you are so skinny that you still fit into 6 month pants, but they are all high waters on you.
I love how you always babble "dada', but when you fall down or are sad, you cry for mama.
I love your fuzzy little bed head of white and strawberry blonde hair when you first wake up in the morning. And I am sad when you go to sleep, because even though I have a ton of catching up to do, I miss you!
You are breathtaking. You awe me. You give me so much more joy than was ever conceivable. I love to just watch you play and be you! At times I think, "please don't grow up!", but I promise to embrace each stage to the fullest that I know how- never to wish for one to pass quickly and never to long for the next or a past stage. I will love you for YOU no matter what life brings your way.
Love,
Mama

constant change

The only thing constant is change.
These last couple of months have been the epitome of this statement. It has all been completely overwhelming- sometimes in the best way possible and in some ways the saddest and hardest.
We are blessed beyond words to have a second chance at owning a home. It is beautiful on the inside with just a few more finishing touches to go. The outside is a whole other story. We'll just put it this way- I check HGTV's website every other day to see if I can get on one of their shows to spruce it up because that is one area we are totally clueless as to where to even begin! I am trying to be patient as we have run completely dry of funds to do anything more to it for the moment. It is good for us to wait and do a little bit at a time. I thank God that we were fortunate enough to even get all that we did get done, done.
A couple of weeks ago, we took our dog of 7 years to the animal shelter. It was one of the most emotional moments of my life and I am still having trouble forgiving myself. He has been our baby up until Preson came into the world and I pray that he got adopted into a loving home where he will become someone else's baby.

That same day I came back to the house and we went over to our old house to pick up the last of our things. While we were there, the buyers showed up for the final walkthrough which we were not expecting and before we knew it we realized we were standing in our beloved first home for the last time. It was a gut-wrenching day to say the least.

As many know, my Preson is not a hungry fellow- he has very little appetite or interest in food. Dont know where he gets that from. My husband and I have been battling a food fight at every meal with him. For the last 2 months he was refusing to eat most anything. We took him to a specialist who was really pushing the feeding tube. We have been on a 2 month waiting list to go to feeding therapy. I have gone from feeding him homemade organic baby foods to whatever I can keep him from spitting out (not usually the healthiest foods). We have sat at the highchair for what has seemed like hours. It has just been recently when I have decided to stop force feeding and try to make meal time a more family-oriented event. He still doesnt eat much, but ALAS- he is at least eating! I pray over my little one every day and I am so tired. I told my husband the other day that I feel like aone of those ragdoll mommys that has the most disasterous house that is too far gone to even think about tackling, most days Im in my PJ's until noon and I spend my life crawling on the floor, following my baby around with a spoon. I know God is using this in my life to refine me and teach me to trust him. I know I can trust him, but there are times when it just feels like I dont know how to be obedient in this way. It is like I am holding onto this burden as tight as I can and I dont know how to let go. I have to ask God to pry my fingers open to take it from me because I have no idea how to surrender it to him! As I pray this each day, I am more and more at ease and as a result, my baby is eating more and not fighting us with this looming struggle that I have been so used to.

On a lighter and wonderful note- my little baby boy has experienced quite the string of events as well! He has turned one year old! He had his first birthday in his new house and it was a day to remember! The house was bursting at the seams with those that love Preson almost as much as we do. They say not to invite too many to a baby's first birthday so as to not overwhelm them, but he handled it beautifully. I cant resist the chance to bring all of our loved ones under one roof for a chance to celebrate! He pawed at his little birthday "smash" cake, without any tears I might add; he sat up on our dining table and opened his birthday presents although many debate that I was having more fun with this part than he was; and he just soaked up every snuggle, hug and kiss that was sent his way.



The next day was his baby dedication- better late than never, right? It was a moment in Preson's history that our family will never forget. Our dear friend, Ryan Young bestowed the most beautiful dedication on Preson. I will always think of this day when I see a metal compass. It could not have been more special or perfect of a weekend.

Though these last two months have felt like a year, it has been rich with lessons learned and I do feel like I am gaining some footing as I get into a new routine and attempt to get the hang of this new lifestyle- being a mommy, renovating a house, cultivating friendships, counseling and mentoring, opening our home when it is not finished, and living communally amongst those in our church.
Sorry for the loooong thread for those of you who even make it to the end :) Ive always admired those who can post a beautiful blog with only a sentence or two and it say everything. I am simply not a woman of few words! Its been awhile and I have had a lot of catching up in my blog and this isnt even the half of it!
Psalm 121: 1,2
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

amidst madness.

It has been so long since I last blogged. We are in our new house and not on ly is it a construction zone(still.), but it is also a moving zone filled with boxes. We have been rushing like mad to get moved in time for our closing and Now that I am moved, I just want to sleep for days. Of course for anyone who knows me, I simply cannot. I am utilizing every moment to get all my things settled into their little nooks and crannies. As of now, my camera cord that connects to my computer is somewhere amidst the madness, so pics to come sooner than later.
As for now I have my little one's first birthday this weekend. I cant believe it. In fact, it makes me teary just to think about it. sigh...

Home Stretch

Now, no cheating! No one is allowed to jump to the pics before reading the blessings that we have experienced through this home renovation! :) I realized a couple of days ago that I have been taking many snapshots as we have journeyed through this home renovation, but little documentation. So I will try to bring everyone up to speed on where we are at with this thing.

I have to say I am so very excited to finally be in the home stretch! We have kind of been forced to be in the home stretch when we were told we have a closing date in about 20 days or so. Egad! I am just trying to take one day at a time and make the most of each day. I am presently working diligently on painting trim while my husband has been laying floors.
I cant say enough how wonderful it is to have a close knit community of Christ followers in our lives! We have always been close to the people in our church through Sunday gatherings and the countless house churches we have held. They have ministered to us so much in our time of need with this timely renovation. I would say at least once a week we have had individuals from our church donate their time to Tommy and I. There have been two Saturday's where about 10-15 people have shown up to do whatever was needed of them. Taking about 2 weeks of work off of our shoulders. They painted the entire interior in a day! In addition to all of this, my mother in law, Fay has driven down all the way from New Port Richey several times a week to take care of Preson so I can go over to the house and work or going over herself to get down and dirty. My sister and Brother in law have also helped with babysitting Preson so I can get work done! I am RICH! Well, I know it seems that so many people have come and worked on our house, but I promise I have done a little bit of work on it too! :)

Aside from all of this hard work, we also had a home blessing. It was a very special evening where all of our family, friends and supporters came out to bathe our new home in prayer. My mom had told me about a family in her church whom their church was building a home for- the whole church came out and engraved scripture in the cement of the foundation and prayed over it. I immediately was inspired and knew that I needed to call in the troops to write prayers, scripture and blessings all over the floors and walls before they were painted. Needless to say, I just know the Lord met us there and now there is a peace that blankets our home. No longer do I feel afraid when I am there alone or sense the evil that once permeated this place. It is such a different house. It is becoming a HOME!
Please take time to read my dear friend, Jen Smith's blog as she beautifully documented and photographed of the evening.
Your Prayers are coveted as we have so much to do in such a small period of time!
Below are a few of the before and after shots of some of the main rooms we will be living in. So here it is- still a work in progress, but we have gotten A LOT done in 3 months!

The Kitchen


Looking through the kitchen at dining room from the other side of the kitchen

What used to be a secondary kitchen with the roof falling in, is now the main bathroom. Here is the beautiful flooring my husband worked so hard on.




Preson's once-pepto-pink room is going to be beautiful once we get all his dark wood furniture in there




Remember the eerie, creepy black and red rooms upstairs? Still got a ways to go, but what a difference already!

It's hard to see here, but the walls are a very light grey with bright white trim and the ceiling still has to be painted again



I can hardly believe the transformation now that my hubby has begun putting in the wood floors. And My what a difference a coat (or several) of paint makes!
Interior design tip: When craving a fresh look for your space, the most cost efficient thing you can do while having the biggest impact is give your room a fresh coat of paint!





and of course the grand finale...


Preson finally has a (very small) space to crawl around! This is the very first time he has ever crawled on the floors of his new home!

God-breathed beauty mark

Life has been quite overwhelming lately. We recently found out that it is official that we have 30 days to close on our house. This means we have to finish the renovation of our living areas in the new house, pack and move in 30 days!! I have been an emotional roller coaster and suffering from short term memory loss these days- Im just not all there. So that all said, I have confession. I am the world's biggest worry- wart. I have struggled with this my whole life. Im sure there is some deep rooted psychological reason that I am always bracing myself for the worst thing possible to happen in every situation. Of course all the things I just listed are at the forefront of my mind when it comes to worry, but the biggest test of my worry stems from my almost-11 month old.

He is the most amazing child I have ever encountered and yet I constantly worry about him- from him not lifting his belly when he crawls to his light weight to his disinterest in food. The list goes on and on. The other day I practically admitted him to the ER after getting a stomach bug.
Today I was on the phone crying (of course) to a dear friend about all my fears and worries and of course she gave me godly counsel which encouraged and set me at ease. Wiping my tears, I hung up, and as I went to pick up Preson, something caught my eye. I looked a little closer and discovered on his little thigh what we in the south refer to as a "beauty mark". I totally lost it as I stood there alone in my kitchen holding my baby. I realized that it was God's perfect timing in waiting to let me discover this little reminder that my little one is beautiful. Despite all my fears and worry, God created him beautiful and perfect in every way. He created my baby boy and know matter what fears I may have, HE CREATED HIM, so it is going to be ok. Period. Not only that, but if I spend all my time living in fear and worry, I will find myself missing all the little beautiful things God wants me to enjoy as my little grows. I dont know, it was just a very spiritual moment for me- it was God talking to me through a beauty mark. As I continue in my adventures of first-time mommy-dom, I hope and pray that God will show it to me frequently as reminder not to worry and that HE is in control...


(This seems to be a recurring theme in my blog, I know)

.2009.

The year 2009 was the most wonderful year of my life. Since my husband and I were first married in 2002, we have had a very rich and fullfilling life together- filled with the strongest of loves, happiness and joy. God truly did create each of us with the other in mind. We never anticipated having more love in us than when we had our first child this year. It has changed our lives in every way for the better. I always knew I had purpose. I just never realized the extent of the purpose until now.

Every day there are hidden joys throughout that unexpectedly reveal themselves. Right when you think you have it all, God reveals a whole new portion of the spectrum of life to you that you never knew existed. It is a piece of the pie many had spoken of in my previous years, but I can truly say I could never understand it until it was. Preson Peek Phillips III. This child is our greatest blessing in the truest sense.