Peace in my Uncertainty

I am 4 days away from D day now. I cant believe it. My midwife told me that in the last week I have gone from 1cm to 3 cm and that she will be surprised if I don't go into labor before the end of the week! I feel totally unprepared!
I have been so completely preoccupied with life and ministry that I feel like it is almost surreal that it is happening. Most of my pregnancy with Penelope has been relatively easy. The first trimester I barely remembered I was pregnant. My second trimester I was just plain exhausted, preoccupied with a very demanding phase of toddlerdom (which has me scared to death of having a second) and totally immersed in all that life was throwing at me. My third trimester has been a little tougher physically. I developed edema which basically is where my hands and feet have swollen and tightened in on the nerves, causing my hands to feel like they are permanently asleep. It has been very painful and uncomfortable, and I hardly sleep at night anymore. But I have really been trying to get my mind where it needs to be so that I am somewhat emotionally ready if nothing else.
My little Penelope will soon be here though- ready or not. I am getting very excited and although I dont feel prepared (does anyone?), I am starting to pace myself a little more these days so that I am not going from a million miles a minute- to a million miles a minute with a newborn baby.
I am majorly in nesting mode right now! My house is a disaster, because I am deep cleaning everything I have been meaning to get to over the last 9 months. Spring cleaning in the fall. We finished tiling the bathroom and are still pulling all the little loose ends together in the nursery. Cleaning out closets and having my hubby repair all the handy man fixes that need to happen. We will get there eventually I suppose- before or after little Penelope's arrival.
The thing I look forward to the most is just getting to a place of relaxing with my family and basking in our new addition with all our friends. I cant wait to meet her. I wonder what she will look like. Will she have hair? Will she have distinguished features? What color will her eyes be? What will her temperament be?
Early in my pregnancy, I found out she had a single umbilical artery. Basically, a baby should have 2 arteries in the umbilical cord and Penelope only has one. As we all know the umbilical cord and these arteries are how they obtain their nutrients from the mother, so when I found out she only had one, I was calm but naturally concerned. What parent doesn't want their baby to arrive healthy and perfectly whole? I found out that most scenarios don't end up having anything to worry about, but that there can be complications, deformities or preterm labor. They have tracked her growth to make sure she is on track in that area-which she is- but I wont know for sure until she actually arrives. I pray every day that God prepares me for whatever happens. I have peace and will accept whatever comes my way. I know He is on the throne and I honestly hardly even think about the worry that I sometimes feel I should have more of. I know it is God giving me peace.
So I dont know when my little princess will get here, but I have a feeling it is very soon and even though I am by no means prepared, I am soooo ready to meet her and cuddle and snuggle her.
In the meantime we are savoring our last days with our one and only.

Unsuspecting Anticipation

It has been so long since I last blogged. To be honest, I have written a few posts but after reading them, decided they were just a little too personal for posting. This pregnancy has been wonderful to me physically with minimal side effects, but it has been so tough emotionally. My hormones have had me on the verge of tears over the smallest little things- nearly every day. I am surrounded by the most amazing people and yet I have felt so alone for the last 9 months. I know it has everything to do with this pregnancy and it is one thing I am looking forward to coming to an end in these next couple of weeks. In the meantime, it has drawn me so very close to my heavenly Father. One thing I have learned is that when you feel alone and when you feel there is no one to turn to, he is there. It's a shame we so often let ourselves get to that place before turning to him.
I can hardly believe I am now only 2 weeks out from meeting my little pumpkin. I am definitely preparing myself differently this time around than with Preson. For one, I am not planning on being super woman with laboring naturally at a birthing center for 2 days. I am going to try to do a VBAC, but I will be in a hospital setting and if my midwife tells me I need to C- Sec it, I am totally at peace with that. I will plan on going as long as possible without the epidural, however if the labor veers in the direction of my 52 hour labor with Preson, I will not be putting myself through that again. I went through enough natural labor for all my children combined in my first labor experience. Lately I have been reminiscing over Preson when he was first born. Here we are in his first moments of life outside the womb.

Yesterday my friends threw me the most beautiful baby shower. this is the only picture I have at this time (Thank you, Ali!) but I will certainly be sure to post more when they become available. It was just a very nice lazy Sunday soiree under the oak trees of my friend, Jen's backyard. Every detail- from the monogrammed burlap table runners to the little button accents to the pre-addressed thank you note station- was perfect. My sweet friends, Jessica and Tiffany really nailed it with all the little things that make me smile and feel loved. And that is just what I was desperately needing at this time in life- a little love from my girls.

I am in overdrive with the nesting phase of my pregnancy. Sewing like a mad woman, deep cleaning out all our little nooks and crannies, trying to plan ahead how to go about juggling our meals after the baby comes, etc. My poor husband is at the mercy of his slave- driver of a wife. We have been working so hard to get our home to a place where we can relax when this baby comes and not feel stressed about all the pending projects that are half done. We have just finished our most recent project of subway-tiling the bathroom walls. Feels so good to get that one done! We still have many things to do, but I think we are finally getting to a place of peace with their incompletion. This is the bathroom in the midst of our tiling project. I know! I know! I need to get more after pictures up!

One of the biggest things I have been fearing with the arrival of little Penelope, is my 20 month-old, Preson. I have no idea what to expect. I just cant comprehend how, at this point, I will be able to give the same love I have for him, to this new little one. It almost breaks my heart that he is so sweet and oblivious to everything that is happening and how one day very soon, we will bring her home from the hospital and everything will change.
Every day, my husband and I just sit back and watch him and beam with pride and talk about the joy that he brings us every day. We were driving today and Tommy reached over and held my hand and said, "ya know, I think we have a pretty great life, don't you?"
I am overwhelmed with this wonderful life that God is allowing us to live. I don't take it for granted. I anticipate and look forward to every new day.

The 9 plagues...and counting

One of the main questions I have gotten while I have been pregnant is "what side effects have you had- cravings, morning sickness, etc..?" So for all the inquiring minds that want to know I have broken it down. Not only for all the millions of readers that I have but also for my own kicks. 

I am entering into my 9th month now and I have had a lot of plagues in my pregnancy. They seem to come and go, as if on call, at the beginning and the end of each month. Im not gonna lie- I just read over it and I am such a Debbie Downer! haha! But I cant complain, because overall it has been an amazing pregnancy. I really have loved being pregnant!

My first trimester

I had very few setbacks except for a flip flop of the tummy every now and then, which is actually the feeling that made me raise a brow to discover I was pregnant in the first place. And the only other thing was a heightened sense of smell (my sis cursed me with that one)- which would seriously gross me out at times. Really- who needs to cook a 5 course meal with brats & sauerkraut at work with the means of only a toaster oven and microwave all within an 8x10 break room??(makes me wanna hurl just thinkin about it!) Oh and having to pee every 30 minutes can get really annoying too! You have to drink like a gallon of water a day!

Around my 5th month is when I started showing to the point where people, who didnt know I was pregnant, would actually feel comfortable enough to ask if I was expecting and tell me I had "the glow". Yay! This is the point when I first started to really lose sleep though, while getting adjusted to my new  left side-position (docs orders!) and due to paranoia of rolling onto my back and cutting off the babies air-supply! I do tend to develop OCD towards certain things sometimes.

 

My 6th month is when it all really began for me. I just kind of POPPED! Can we just say the holidays were good to me? I got large and in charge very quickly... which kind of came with some extras. yay. The lovely self esteem-boosting comments such as "are you sure your not due any day now?" (at 6months? really??) and "Are you having twins?" and "Wow! You are WAAAAY bigger than I was at 6 months!" Then to continue my ego boost, the ugliest, reddest, stretch marks from hell exploded over my entire tummy- literally almost overnight. The list goes on with the backaches like I have never experienced in my life, the numb limbs and charlie horses, etc...It was a fun month let me tell ya. luckily I had the holidays to cheer me up right? Lots of mocktails- they just dont seem to have the same effect for some reason...

As I came into my 7th month, the prego rash creeps into my life...PUPPS. The most infuriating, hellish nightmare of an itch that I could ever imagine! It started on my tummy, crept to where the sun dont shine and then made an appearance on my ankles and arms as well. Thankfully that is the only infliction God allowed me to endure for that month. This is also when I really started to feel the baby all the time and see the little guy's limbs poking out of my tummy! Weird and alienish I know, but SO cool!

Thankfully, about a month later after buying every aveeno, curel & hydrocortizone product on the shelf, the itch subsided substantially and I started to sleep through the night again. BUT- Debbie Downer here- I got very sick and was in bed for a week and am still fighting it. I cant take anything because when your preggo, you apparently are off limits to every pharmaceutical savior that exists- and that includes most natural and herbal remedies.

Now I am coming up on my 9th month! So far the only plague I have is that, once again, I cant sleep. This time it is not due to discomfort, but rather that I cant turn off the brain! I am wired every night and usually will drift off around 130 or so and then wake up again at 4ish. So, thus the reason for my spontaneous blogging after a month and a half of nadda! I am only plagued with the most wonderful thoughts of our new little addition to our family. I certainly cant complain about that. I truly believe that the lack of sleep is God prompting me in the night to pray for little Preson as well as to prepare me for the long nights that lay before me as a new mommy. For this reason, I will gladly accept the lack of sleep, as well as any other plagues that may be left to come.