Take you to the forest, let you feel the raindrops falling down

This is a blog that is devoted entirely to my little Penelope Wren.

Penelope just turned the big 1 back in November and somehow I missed her one year blog!
Well her special day was so great! We had a quaint little family birthday party that she shared with her cousin Fynn, who is just 7 weeks apart from her. It was a day filled with a lot of love for our little ones.

I thought that this time around I would go low key with it since it was just family. I have learned that a) no matter how little work you put into it leading up to the day, the last couple of days is so filled with perfecting all those little details, that it feels like you spent months on it and b) I don't think I actually know how to go "low key"

Penelope was taking a couple of steps here and there on her special day and fast forward 2 months and she is literally running now. It is unbelievable how much changes over the course of just a short month or two.

In addition to running, she is our little dancing queen. Any time a song comes on the tv, she comes running into the room and squeals with delight as she jumps up and down with her big toothy grin. Her favorite Christmas gift was a little teapot set that she spins around with when it sings her it's little song. It is quite possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen.

We are STILL going through some separation anxiety. She is very attached to mommy and daddy at this time- at least when it is outside the confines of our home. She will engage with friends and family's kisses and smiles...but only from the safety of our arms for the time being.

On a separate note- Penelope has lost her need to suck her fingers. I'm going to miss this...

Penelope is going to be strong woman. She takes her brother's daily pushes and alpha male dominance like a champ (working through one day at a time!). She has survived a bathtub incidence and a topple down the stairs- both of which I wish to never recall unless pointing to God's grace and goodness in continuing to entrust us with her precious little life. She plays amazingly well by herself- something Preson still finds to be very hard to do (what can I say- Im his favorite playmate!) It is a welcome trait that has blessed mama with some room to breathe!
She babbles all day and now says "hi daddy" and "bye daddy", and makes any animal noise you tell her to... but still no "MAMA"!! Oh dear, I will just continue to be patient.

As she moves from baby into tot, I am actually a little more prepared on what to expect this time around. She still remains the sweetest and happiest little spirit I could have ever hoped for. She is our little (yet big) ray of sunshine I love you, Penny Wren!

Can you believe there are less than 3 months between the first picture and this one?? Slow down little girl!

count your blessings, name them one by one.

Preson and Penelope- what an adventure having 2 children has been. My intentions of blogging at least a monthly update on my little ones has once again drastically failed. Oh well- I do what I can, when I can, right? ;)
Penelope is coming up on 8 months next week. She is an absolute breath of fresh air and just a joy to have in our little family. I keep thinking she is just too wonderful to be true- how can a baby be this happy and sweet- all. the. time. I fall in love all over again each day.
She continues to follow the pattern of being long and lean. We gave it a go for as long as possible with breast feeding. I have always been the biggest advocate of breastfeeding along with any holistic and natural way of doing things possible. For some reason, my kiddo's are just too curious to sit still for the long nursing sessions that nature calls them to. They want it wham, bam, thank ya maam! ha! While I did hold out Preson for a full year, Penelope's nursing sessions were just becoming less and less frequent and shorter and shorter sessions. We made it to 6 months breast feeding; 7 months pumping and bottle feeding; and now mama is just not producing enough to provide what baby needs, so now she is on that nasty powdered stuff- so sorry, my sweet Penelope! I will say the stress of wondering if she was getting enough has left me. We are on a great schedule of bottle, play, solids, nap, play- and repeat. I am a stress free mama these days!

Penelope, you are developing right on target. You are following your big brother's pattern of doing the infamous Phillips army crawl. You are a fast little bugger too. I love watching you get up on all fours, bounce back and forth a few times and then flop on your belly and off you go! You are discovering a whole new world beyond your little play mat.
My floors have never been so spotless since Preson was at this stage due to ev.er.y.thing going in your mouth. Im having to really step up my game with the childproofing department. It is a daily process at the tip of my mind every day these days.
You take after mommy in so many ways! You love closed cozy spots. I can always find you under a table or chair. You are a snuggle bug. I love how you will fall asleep on me and daddy and just lay on our shoulder when you are sleepy. You are a chatterbox. You just babble and blow your little raspberries all day long to yourself as well to entertain those seeking smiles.
I also find it precious that you are fascinated with mirrors. I keep one right on your level just so I can watch you gaze and smile into it. I foresee many dress up play days in the future.
Watching Preson interact with you has been quite the adventure. When we go upstairs to get you from your nap- he shrieks with joy and runs right up to your crib to greet your smiling face. He always comes running to me to let me know whenever your crying and has nicknamed you "Puppy" since he has a bit of a hard time stringing 4 syllables together. I wonder if it will stick...
Somedays I wonder if he separates the idea of you being a playmate from a playTHING. He loves to shuffle you back and forth (quite roughly in fact) in your bouncer. He brings you toys whenever you are calling for them and the other day I caught him dragging you across the room by your foot! Luckily you were all smiles, although I did stress to him that that was not ok.

Preson, you are my beautiful little mess these days...and I love you more every day for it! You are a bundle of emotion- so many feelings pumping through your veins and no way of knowing how to filter through them, much less control them!
Every five minutes we are having a good cry- If you want food, you cry. If you are done eating, you cry. If you remember a toy from a friends house or church, you cry. If you see Penelope playing with your toy you cry. If it is nap time, you cry. When you want to see someone, you cry for them and when you are with them you cry. In fact anytime you wish to communicate something to me you pretty much have a mini melt down. Oh to be 2 years old! Thankfully you have mastered the art of the deep breath. Now if mommy could only master it. :)
I love it how you love old fashioned cartoons. Your favorite is Bambi. You ask to watch it every day and you are watching the Sword and the Stone as I write this. I cant wait to take you to the new vintage-inspired Winnie the Pooh movie that is coming out this summer. We will definitely aim for a mid week matinee on that one!
You love all things boy- anything with wheels, action figures, dinosaurs, things that make noise, etc. You are the master of the tricycle. With the way our house is set up, you ride around in a big circles through the house tirelessly and happily for what seems like hours. I absolutely love how you love to read. In fact you would be a very happy boy indeed if mommy would just sit and read to you all day every day. We are still working on independent playtime.

My house has never been a bigger mess- and for the first time I don't even care! I have stopped my ways of nonstop go, go, go and have submitted to focussing my attention of being a mother. Sitting still and giving my children the attention the need and deserve. I love my life and am so blessed to stay home with my babies. I thank God each day for that privilege and I will not take it for granted.
The other night a few of my wonderful friends and family surprised me for my birthday for an evening of wining and dining! They all surprised me with presents and cupcakes and lots of love- made me feel so loved and special!

roly poly Penelope!

Im not exactly sure why time flies so much faster as we get older, but alas I truly feel like it was the blink of an eye ago that I was holding Penelope for the first time. I cannot believe she is FIVE MONTHS. That is one month shy of 6 months- which is half of a whole year old!

My little girl is growing so fast. She is the master of rolling over. She has been doing this for the last month or so, and without fail, every time I lay her down, she defaults to her position of choice- the belly. I can already see her starting to do these swim-like motions in place- so rapidly in fact that I swear her knees are going to catch the floor in mid stroke and she is going to be up and off on her first crawl.

Penelope is about the smiliest little thing I have ever seen! I mean to tell you, all you have to do is blink in her direction and she is one big gummy grin. Now there were a few weeks there where we had some separation anxiety, but she seems to be a happy camper as long as mommy, daddy or her big brother are around. She has quite the sense of humor already- she just laughs and laughs any time you have a silly face or some peek-a-boos for her.

Preson is also learning to really love and play with his baby sister. I will catch him sneaking her a kiss or laying on her playmat with her showing her all of his stuffed animals.
Penelope is following in her brothers footsteps in so many ways. One of them being that she is a lightweight. She has been exclusively breastfed and at our last visit to the pediatrician, she was recommended to supplement a bottle of formula to ensure she was getting enough calories. Well of course she decides to be stubborn about it and refuses any kind of formula (can you blame her? gross.). So we just try to supplement a bottle of breast milk instead. Note- she has taken many a bottle on the occasion that mama is not around...until now. She decides that she will NOT take a bottle of any kind. Its like she KNOWS. So after much prayer and fear of having a repeat of what we went through with Preson, we have decided to simply continue to exclusively breastfeed since we at least have that down. I am just increasing the frequency of her feedings. I have learned to be ok with my little ones being little.

We are waiting to present solids to her until she is sitting up like a champ (still working on those back muscles!) and very interested in food. I am very prayerful of this first feeding- which I am guessing will happen sometime within this month or next. I am giving my fears of any feeding adversions to the Lord daily. She has followed in Preson's patterns of feedings almost to the T, so of course the thought of it being a possiblility is there. Please pray for Penelope to be interested in eating- and to eat well. Please pray that she will thrive. And please pray that her mommy would give her fears to her Lord and trust him to take care of her baby.

All in all, Penelope has been a dream baby- Happy except for when she is tired or hungry. Sleeps through the night- from 730pm-8am! I love how she will just curl up and snuggle with me or lay on my shoulder and fall asleep. There is something so special about having a baby girl. She is perfect in my eyes and I cant wait to make new memories each day with her.

wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities

Photo by Jen Smith

I am completely enamored with my new baby girl, Penelope Wren. I know this is long overdue, but I have been thinking a lot about how quickly time flies and I dont ever want to forget my beloved memories of my labor and deliveries of any of my children. So here is Penelope's birth story...

As many know by now, my labor with Penelope was so much easier than my labor was with Preson. With him, I was in labor for 56 hours- with no drugs-at birthing center, only to end in a c section at St Pete General. It was a very humbling, growing time in my life, needless to say. A natural labor and delivery was my goal with Preson, whereas with Penelope, it was to have a VBAC. With my pregnancy with Penelope, I went to a midwife group again, but this time they encouraged me to use the epidural once the pain got to be too much. They explained that now that I know my body cant relax enough to push the baby through on its own, it would help me relax enough so that I could have my baby vaginally if that is what I wanted.

On November 12 at 3am I went into labor. My labor progressed very quickly- when I got to the hospital I was 3 cm- and by the time I was given relief for my pain, I was at 5 cm. I was definitely feeling those contractions. I was focusing on my breathing and meditation techniques to get through each contraction. Once I was given the epidural, I was able to relax. Because I was trying to have a VBAC, I was monitored the entire time. There were a couple of times her heart rate slowed down and when I changed positions, went back to where it was supposed to be. I sat at 10 cm for a very long time but had no urge to push, because she hadn't dropped down enough yet. Finally the nurse told me to give it a push just to see what would happen. As I did, she gasped and exclaimed that she could see Penelope's little head! She got so excited and ran and got my midwife to deliver my baby.

Right as she went to get my midwife, my mother arrived from out of town (just in the nick of time!). There were so many women in labor that afternoon, that my midwife was tied up with delivering another baby, so she was not able to be there. Right as I was about to give my final push, she came running into the room and tag teamed it with the other doctor who had been assisting me. My mom, my sister and of course my amazing husband was holding my hand as I gave the final push and that baby went flying out into my midwife's hands. She almost didnt catch her- Praise God she did! Turns out the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck 2 times, which is why the heart rate had continued dropping. That evening as the sun setting out side my room at Tampa General, I was able to deliver my sweet angel with no complications. She weighed in at 7lbs 4oz. and was 20" long. I felt it was an amazing labor and delivery.

I was such a control freak with the natural labor with Preson- and with Penelope, I just let go. I did whatever I was advised to do and decided to be "ok" with whatever happened. Lo and behold I had a beautiful experience.



She is so beautiful. She took us by surprise with her head full of soft light brown hair. Wren is an appropriate name as she has a cowlick that makes her hair stand up into this little faux hawk. It has been getting lighter and lighter, and when the sun hits it, has this beautiful reddish sheen to it. She has big, dark, blue-grey eyes and a little round face Her cry is a sweet cry- her mouth tightens into this little "o" shape and she furrows her brow. It is the cutest, most pitiful little cry I ever did hear! At her 2 month well visit, she weighed in at 10lb. 4 oz and was in the 90th percentile for her height! Long and lean- She is mommy's little super model! haha

One thing that I was not expecting is how much the girl sleeps! I knew she would sleep a lot in the first few weeks, but she is literally just now starting to come alive during the day. She is still sleeping great at night-only wakes up once or twice to eat and then she is out until about 9am! She is a kicker-when I stop to play with her, she just kicks and kicks and smiles and laughs. It is the funniest thing! It reminds me of how I first felt when Tommy and I started dating- except she doesn't hide it. SO sweet!



Even from the beginning when she first came home with us from the hospital- just 2 months and 2 weeks ago-she has always had this very gentle essence. I have the fondest memory of laying in bed with her in my arms, while my husband prayed over us thanking God for her. He spoke as if she was already daddy's little girl, talking about what a sweet spirit we can already sense from her. It is in these moments of reflection that I find meaning and peace.

Peace in my Uncertainty

I am 4 days away from D day now. I cant believe it. My midwife told me that in the last week I have gone from 1cm to 3 cm and that she will be surprised if I don't go into labor before the end of the week! I feel totally unprepared!
I have been so completely preoccupied with life and ministry that I feel like it is almost surreal that it is happening. Most of my pregnancy with Penelope has been relatively easy. The first trimester I barely remembered I was pregnant. My second trimester I was just plain exhausted, preoccupied with a very demanding phase of toddlerdom (which has me scared to death of having a second) and totally immersed in all that life was throwing at me. My third trimester has been a little tougher physically. I developed edema which basically is where my hands and feet have swollen and tightened in on the nerves, causing my hands to feel like they are permanently asleep. It has been very painful and uncomfortable, and I hardly sleep at night anymore. But I have really been trying to get my mind where it needs to be so that I am somewhat emotionally ready if nothing else.
My little Penelope will soon be here though- ready or not. I am getting very excited and although I dont feel prepared (does anyone?), I am starting to pace myself a little more these days so that I am not going from a million miles a minute- to a million miles a minute with a newborn baby.
I am majorly in nesting mode right now! My house is a disaster, because I am deep cleaning everything I have been meaning to get to over the last 9 months. Spring cleaning in the fall. We finished tiling the bathroom and are still pulling all the little loose ends together in the nursery. Cleaning out closets and having my hubby repair all the handy man fixes that need to happen. We will get there eventually I suppose- before or after little Penelope's arrival.
The thing I look forward to the most is just getting to a place of relaxing with my family and basking in our new addition with all our friends. I cant wait to meet her. I wonder what she will look like. Will she have hair? Will she have distinguished features? What color will her eyes be? What will her temperament be?
Early in my pregnancy, I found out she had a single umbilical artery. Basically, a baby should have 2 arteries in the umbilical cord and Penelope only has one. As we all know the umbilical cord and these arteries are how they obtain their nutrients from the mother, so when I found out she only had one, I was calm but naturally concerned. What parent doesn't want their baby to arrive healthy and perfectly whole? I found out that most scenarios don't end up having anything to worry about, but that there can be complications, deformities or preterm labor. They have tracked her growth to make sure she is on track in that area-which she is- but I wont know for sure until she actually arrives. I pray every day that God prepares me for whatever happens. I have peace and will accept whatever comes my way. I know He is on the throne and I honestly hardly even think about the worry that I sometimes feel I should have more of. I know it is God giving me peace.
So I dont know when my little princess will get here, but I have a feeling it is very soon and even though I am by no means prepared, I am soooo ready to meet her and cuddle and snuggle her.
In the meantime we are savoring our last days with our one and only.

Unsuspecting Anticipation

It has been so long since I last blogged. To be honest, I have written a few posts but after reading them, decided they were just a little too personal for posting. This pregnancy has been wonderful to me physically with minimal side effects, but it has been so tough emotionally. My hormones have had me on the verge of tears over the smallest little things- nearly every day. I am surrounded by the most amazing people and yet I have felt so alone for the last 9 months. I know it has everything to do with this pregnancy and it is one thing I am looking forward to coming to an end in these next couple of weeks. In the meantime, it has drawn me so very close to my heavenly Father. One thing I have learned is that when you feel alone and when you feel there is no one to turn to, he is there. It's a shame we so often let ourselves get to that place before turning to him.
I can hardly believe I am now only 2 weeks out from meeting my little pumpkin. I am definitely preparing myself differently this time around than with Preson. For one, I am not planning on being super woman with laboring naturally at a birthing center for 2 days. I am going to try to do a VBAC, but I will be in a hospital setting and if my midwife tells me I need to C- Sec it, I am totally at peace with that. I will plan on going as long as possible without the epidural, however if the labor veers in the direction of my 52 hour labor with Preson, I will not be putting myself through that again. I went through enough natural labor for all my children combined in my first labor experience. Lately I have been reminiscing over Preson when he was first born. Here we are in his first moments of life outside the womb.

Yesterday my friends threw me the most beautiful baby shower. this is the only picture I have at this time (Thank you, Ali!) but I will certainly be sure to post more when they become available. It was just a very nice lazy Sunday soiree under the oak trees of my friend, Jen's backyard. Every detail- from the monogrammed burlap table runners to the little button accents to the pre-addressed thank you note station- was perfect. My sweet friends, Jessica and Tiffany really nailed it with all the little things that make me smile and feel loved. And that is just what I was desperately needing at this time in life- a little love from my girls.

I am in overdrive with the nesting phase of my pregnancy. Sewing like a mad woman, deep cleaning out all our little nooks and crannies, trying to plan ahead how to go about juggling our meals after the baby comes, etc. My poor husband is at the mercy of his slave- driver of a wife. We have been working so hard to get our home to a place where we can relax when this baby comes and not feel stressed about all the pending projects that are half done. We have just finished our most recent project of subway-tiling the bathroom walls. Feels so good to get that one done! We still have many things to do, but I think we are finally getting to a place of peace with their incompletion. This is the bathroom in the midst of our tiling project. I know! I know! I need to get more after pictures up!

One of the biggest things I have been fearing with the arrival of little Penelope, is my 20 month-old, Preson. I have no idea what to expect. I just cant comprehend how, at this point, I will be able to give the same love I have for him, to this new little one. It almost breaks my heart that he is so sweet and oblivious to everything that is happening and how one day very soon, we will bring her home from the hospital and everything will change.
Every day, my husband and I just sit back and watch him and beam with pride and talk about the joy that he brings us every day. We were driving today and Tommy reached over and held my hand and said, "ya know, I think we have a pretty great life, don't you?"
I am overwhelmed with this wonderful life that God is allowing us to live. I don't take it for granted. I anticipate and look forward to every new day.

lil girl twirls

Now that I know we are having a little girl, I am pretty sure she is going to be the girliest-girl ever. I just die over just about every dress I come across. I am ITCHING to set up a place to bust out my sewing machine to do some sewing projects. I cant wait to try my hand at making some cute lil dresses like this one...

and this one....

AND this one...

Im thinking we need to start a sewing club, no?