Showing posts with label spirit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirit. Show all posts

9.01.2009

mama sara- her namesake, I am.





Pristinely dressed in her suit with that signature silk scarf tied perfectly around her neck. Red lips with a soft spritz of Chanel No.5. Proper and classy, yet never snobby. A warm smile and cheerful spirit. A genuine love for those less fortunate than herself that always inspired one to be a better person. Unconditionally loving, with a genuine desire to know her grandchildren for who they truly were. The list goes on and on.
If you can imagine such a woman- my grandmother.
The loving woman of whom I am proudly named, recently passed earlier this year. It was a bitter-sweet time for me as it happened right in the midst of the birth and homecoming of my first baby boy. I was able to laugh and cry with her in her last days as well as introduce to her, her first great grandson. Though unable to speak in her final moments of life, a beautiful picture is engraved in my mind of her touching her fingertips to her mouth and placing them on her great grandson as representation of a kiss. I am so happy he was able to meet such an amazing woman in my life.
I was very close to Mama Sara- especially in my childhood through my tween years when I lived close to her. Every other weekend, it was "off to grandmother's house we go". Her home was a large, traditional home in Atllanta, reminiscent of a beautiful southern plantation. I was recently given some of the artwork that once adorned it's walls. I will always treasure them and remember her through them.
Those weekends on Hillswick Court, we would wake up to the smell of eggs and bacon. Always served up with warm buttered toast and orange marmalade with a small glass of orange juice served in her special "grandchildren cups".
She would give us little chores to do around her home, but somehow had a way of making them fun and always infusing life lessons along the way. When we completed our chores, she rewarded us with a small allowance and always allowed us plenty of playtime. There was a fantastic swingset in her back yard and the most magnificent magnolia tree in the front. Both perfect for climbing all over and swinging from. She always taught us to be polite and engage the neighbors in small talk.
Later in the afternoon, she would load us up in the car for an afternoon of meals on wheels, where we would deliver meals and spend quality time with the elderly. Helping and loving the less fortunate and displaced, was among the highest priorities in her life and was her way of being Jesus to others. A lesson she always made clear through her life.
After meals on wheels, she would take us on a journey of our favorite consignment shops. This is where I originally developed my addiction for cheap boutique clothes and a stubborn unwillingness to pay full price for anything. It was always the highlight of the trip for a young granddaughter. Ill never forget one consignment store in particular called "Reruns". It was a quaint bungalow with lots of rooms and windows - and full of the most beautiful little girls' dresses! Anything I batted my eyelashes at, she would swipe up and add it to the tab...of course after explaining to me the importance of proper saving- A penny saved is a penny earned!
There were many occasions I bonded with Mama Sara on a very personal level. I will never forget the time we sat in her sunroom. I was at a place in my life where I expressed myself through rebellion to my parents and all authority. I wore my hair over my eyes and didn't smile much in those days. I can remember her conversing with me about her own life as a teenager and her struggles. That day, she broke through the hard barrier and from that time on I have always known I could talk to her about anything. She would relate and then lovingly point me in the right direction. She was one of the few I felt I could talk to and I will always remember that particular day that I poured my heart out to her and she loved me all the more for it.
She was a dream grandmother to grow up with. Though many years have passed since these childhood memoirs, my treasury of memories make it feel like it was yesterday.
As I sit here with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, I hear her voice as she introduces me with the utmost pride and a warm smile, as her namesake.

8.22.2009

then out of your sovereignty you called me out



It has been quite some time since I last reminisced the place that God has brought me from- my redemption song if you will. Sometimes it feels as though it was a lifetime ago. In a sense it was another life.
Thank you, God for picking up this once limp, filthy ragdoll; for brushing me off and setting me back on my feet. Thank you for loving me despite myself. "Go and sin no more"- this rings in my ears when I am reminded of your grace. Even though I once rejected you and everything I once thought to be affiliated with you, I can't understand how when one hits their rock bottom time and time and time again, they don't-or rather wont- turn to you. Thank you for casting my sin so far east that it touches the west...wow. Come to think of it, this is just about the same time of year you drew me into yourself 13 years ago. I am so rich now....
My cup overflows with blessing and gratitude toward the life God has given me. I praise you, God, for my wonderful, loves-me-just-as-I-am spouse. He is my soul mate and as a result of his life, my life is complete as well as is more humble. Humble in the fact that I am always reminded of how undeserving I am of an unconditional love that I never knew could exist. I praise you for my baby boy who soaks up every teeny bit of love he can get from me, and then just melts my heart by naively and openly giving it right back. These loves, I crave. I somehow feel as though they were given to me to remind me of you and how you love me. Thank you for new life in you. I praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

9.05.2008

Balm to my Soul.

Im slowly coming to place of peace with myself. I had a wonderful evening with some dear friends the other night and I walked away feeling so inspired and refreshed in my ministry and in my personal faith. It is comforting to have those conversations with fellow women in ministry. 
Since my last post, I am taking steps to improve my inner self. I am getting up earlier, walking and spending that time in solitude. I am coming to crave those moments in the morning where I get my coffee and sit on the porch with the Word of God. I am spending more time in nature- it inspires me and I truly do sense God in the rustling of the trees, birds chirping, or just gazing up at the sky. He is refreshing my soul every morning. I am getting the sense of what it means to feel his words as a balm to my spirit. 
I know that no matter what comes my way, He will not abandon me. There is always something to be learned through the good times and through the rough times. I am making it my prayer that God will prepare me in the good times for when the tough times come my way and also that He will renew a hunger in me for his Word. 
I have been learning what it is to just focus my whole being on bringing praise, thanksgiving and adoration to my Lord. Im not focusing on me and it feels really good to just walk through the scriptures and find passages of praise to call out to him. 
I am excited to share what I am learning with others in my life. There has been a real lack of spiritual guidance in the past for the women of our church. I have recently sensed God prompting me to start repairing this damage that has been done. I am reevaluating how I want to expend my energy; who I need to be giving my time to; and just worshipping him with my life- from the inside and letting it overflow to the out. 
He is my Satisfaction!