10.26.2010

Unsuspecting Anticipation

It has been so long since I last blogged. To be honest, I have written a few posts but after reading them, decided they were just a little too personal for posting. This pregnancy has been wonderful to me physically with minimal side effects, but it has been so tough emotionally. My hormones have had me on the verge of tears over the smallest little things- nearly every day. I am surrounded by the most amazing people and yet I have felt so alone for the last 9 months. I know it has everything to do with this pregnancy and it is one thing I am looking forward to coming to an end in these next couple of weeks. In the meantime, it has drawn me so very close to my heavenly Father. One thing I have learned is that when you feel alone and when you feel there is no one to turn to, he is there. It's a shame we so often let ourselves get to that place before turning to him.
I can hardly believe I am now only 2 weeks out from meeting my little pumpkin. I am definitely preparing myself differently this time around than with Preson. For one, I am not planning on being super woman with laboring naturally at a birthing center for 2 days. I am going to try to do a VBAC, but I will be in a hospital setting and if my midwife tells me I need to C- Sec it, I am totally at peace with that. I will plan on going as long as possible without the epidural, however if the labor veers in the direction of my 52 hour labor with Preson, I will not be putting myself through that again. I went through enough natural labor for all my children combined in my first labor experience. Lately I have been reminiscing over Preson when he was first born. Here we are in his first moments of life outside the womb.

Yesterday my friends threw me the most beautiful baby shower. this is the only picture I have at this time (Thank you, Ali!) but I will certainly be sure to post more when they become available. It was just a very nice lazy Sunday soiree under the oak trees of my friend, Jen's backyard. Every detail- from the monogrammed burlap table runners to the little button accents to the pre-addressed thank you note station- was perfect. My sweet friends, Jessica and Tiffany really nailed it with all the little things that make me smile and feel loved. And that is just what I was desperately needing at this time in life- a little love from my girls.

I am in overdrive with the nesting phase of my pregnancy. Sewing like a mad woman, deep cleaning out all our little nooks and crannies, trying to plan ahead how to go about juggling our meals after the baby comes, etc. My poor husband is at the mercy of his slave- driver of a wife. We have been working so hard to get our home to a place where we can relax when this baby comes and not feel stressed about all the pending projects that are half done. We have just finished our most recent project of subway-tiling the bathroom walls. Feels so good to get that one done! We still have many things to do, but I think we are finally getting to a place of peace with their incompletion. This is the bathroom in the midst of our tiling project. I know! I know! I need to get more after pictures up!

One of the biggest things I have been fearing with the arrival of little Penelope, is my 20 month-old, Preson. I have no idea what to expect. I just cant comprehend how, at this point, I will be able to give the same love I have for him, to this new little one. It almost breaks my heart that he is so sweet and oblivious to everything that is happening and how one day very soon, we will bring her home from the hospital and everything will change.
Every day, my husband and I just sit back and watch him and beam with pride and talk about the joy that he brings us every day. We were driving today and Tommy reached over and held my hand and said, "ya know, I think we have a pretty great life, don't you?"
I am overwhelmed with this wonderful life that God is allowing us to live. I don't take it for granted. I anticipate and look forward to every new day.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Sarah!!!! Larry and I were just talking about the SAME thing last night w/ Evan... how much we love him and adore him and what the heck will life be like when Ella gets here... and how the dynamic will change... and how this pregnancy has flown by b/c we've been so caught up w/ him! I think it will all work out fabulously b/c lots of families do it... and that's what I keep telling myself. But you are in no way alone in your thoughts. I, and I bet a lot of other girls are right there with you.

Love her name - and can't WAIT to see pictures.

Sarah Rhodes said...

Sarah you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever known! Miss you friend. I didn't realize you were so close to having a 2nd but I'm so excited for you! Love, Sarah