time in flight.

Time has officially sprouted wings and is in flight like never before! Preson is going on 4 1/2 months now. He has been in a growth spurt this week where his daily pattern has been wake, eat, sleep like he did when he was a newborn and repeat.

I try to catch each new little addition to his development and appreciate it to its fullest. From watching him learn to awkwardly grasp his tiny fingers around a toy to finding him on the opposite end of his crib from where I placed him. This week he is wanting to explore everything that passes him by shoving it in his mouth- the main thing being his own feet! He is smiling, cooing and has the funniest and most delightful little "half- laugh". Funny how when I hear his voice through his coos and smiles, I feel as though I am getting a peephole-view of his personality. It is amazing to watch him bloom- each day a little more.

Birthweek- not birthday. This is a fun little joke my family has with each other to milk our one special day for all it's worth. In all honesty it has just been an excuse to get what we want and get away with saying things we normally wouldn't get away with saying.

Such is the year that it is actually taken literally. This birthday definitely deserve documentation as it has been so special. My sister delivered a gift to my doorstep each day this week. It felt like Hanukkah in July! She is probably the kindest and most thoughtful person I have ever met. There is not a selfish bone in her body and anyone that has the opportunity to know her knows it is a gift to have her in their life.

My husband also put so much thought into my special day. He saved up for my birthday all year. He brought me coffee and all my presents in bed (he couldn't wait!) which consisted of a new outfit to wear on my day. He and my sis then took me to brunch at mimi's cafe and then he surprised me by gathering some dear friends for an evening of feasting at Bucca di Beppo.

As if that isn't enough, the evening after, he surprised me with taking me to an evening in Downtown Disney. Bongo's Cuban Cafe for dinner and then the grande finale- Cirque du Soleil's La Nouba.

It was a magical evening that I will never forget. I feel so loved, blessed, enriched and of course thankful for how full my life is with the most loving people!

bliss.

These days, I have fallen behind in my normal obsession with house cleaning and social encounters. I wake up each morning and my life begins all over again as I cant take my eyes, my mind or my focus off this precious little life that has now taken precedence over my own. And so, The dishes continue to be put off, the laundry piles up, my hair has transitioned to a permanent ponytail and I take my shower at 1 in the morning now, as opposed to my 10pm beauty ritual. The best part is that I don't really care about all those things at this point. I have a new-found kind of happiness that I never anticipated and I am basking in every moment of it.

lullaby

Our good friend Mike Garrafallo wrote this in heart of all his friends that have recently become pregnant or had babies. He swung by our house the other day and felt that God wanted us to have it. It is absolutely precious and endearing. So here it is...

resting in your mother deep,

give way to slumber, counting sheep,

if you shall wake before the sun,

then lay real still don't wake your mom

tiny feet begin to grow,

your face and hands will soon follow,

knit by knit the weaver works,

to make and even out the quirks

mommy knows we'll see you soon,

rise from the earth like flowers bloom.

tears will fall and hearts will quake,

every day that you awake.

we'll build a bed, a resting place,

unlike the womb, there's tons of space.

we'll build it strong so you will know,

your safe from those who lurk below.

day by day, we'll watch and show

all the things you want to know.

just be prepared, don't try to run, 

too far at first- it wont be fun.

don't be afraid if you shall stray,

we'll love every step that you shall make.

if you feel you're all alone,

remember that your hearts' a home.

some day you'll invite a spouse inside,

and build a bed like we supplied

and when your babe begins to cry,

remember this- our lullaby.

Triumphal Entry

Well, here I am a new mommy. I never new how surreal and awesome it would be to hear myself say those words.

After a 50 hour natural labor, only to end end in a c section, I have decided to document my labor story to look back on and always remember the many lessons learned through baby Preson's triumphal entry into this world.

A couple of weeks before my due date, I sat in the middle of a circle of prayer warriors at a house church. They each went around laying hands on me and praying for me as I gave my final fears over to God of this natural childbirth that was to soon approach. At the end of the prayer time, a good friend explained to me that during the prayer time, God had brought to his mind a famous painting by Monet, entitled "Rue Montorgueil Decked Out with Flags". A painting that was full of life and festivity that exploded with thousands of flags. He explained that he felt God was telling him that Preson's entry was going to be a triumphal one. I immediately felt so relieved as I took this as a God putting my fears to rest. In the back of my mind, I wondered if the triumphal entry would happen in the way I imagined it would (success), or if there would be some dramatic lesson to be learned as God always tends to choose for me. Regardless, I placed all my fears in Gods hands and simply asked him to prepare me for what was to come.

My husband and I chose to go with a natural labor because of all the benefits it would bring to our little one- physically and emotionally. We were so determined, that we didn't even want the option of drugs had they been available, so we decided to use a birth center and take an intense 12 week (2 1/2 hour sessions each)child birthing class to prepare us for the labor process and to become fully educated on what was to come.

My due date was March 1st which came and went with no signs of labor. I had prepared myself not to expect to go into labor on my due date- in fact I thought it would be a good week or so after before anything happened. I was told that to get things moving, walking (among other things)was a very good thing to get the baby shifting down.

The next day, March 2nd My husband and I went to the zoo to get some walking in and then walked a couple of miles in Ybor city that night with Tommy's family. We parked as far as possible from the restaurant. After dinner that night, I settled in for the evening with the final episode of "the bachelor" :) Yes, I was one of THOSE that became addicted! I got up during a commercial to make myself some capri (weird prego craving, i know) and as I was coming back into the living room, the bachelor was talking about how he was going to dump Melissa for the other girl. I was so shocked as I was about to take my seat, that I didnt see the dog under me and I tripped and fell on my 9 month and a day old belly- slightly catching myself on my elbow. I was so freaked out. I decided I would count fetal movements and if all was ok in that area, I would wait until morning to call my midwife, chris.

Well, at 6:30 am I started feeling contractions. I tried to keep sleeping, but I was just too excited. I told Tommy and we started counting contractions between sleep intervals. They were irregular and sporadic. So at 830 am we called our midwife and she told us to come in to see where we were in terms of progression. At about 11am, we headed over and explained what had happened with the fall I had taken the previous night. She monitored my contractions and checked me. For you mom's out there, I was 3 cm dilated, stationed -1 (the position of the baby's head in regard to my pelvis),75% effaced and ripened cervix. I was in early labor!

We called our families and told them the good news and told them not to jump the gun, since we were thinking it was going to be a long labor. Of course most of our family ignored us and started revving up to go to the birth center anyways. We, on the other hand, decided to head back home to labor as much as possible and see if the contractions would regulate. The contractions were painful, but still somewhat manageable for the rest of that day. I was like, "ok, ok- I can do this!"

The next morning- yet again at 630 am- exactly 24 hours later, the contractions really jumped into 2nd gear. I continued to labor at home as long as the contractions were irregular. They were becoming closer together, but still not as regular as I was expecting them to become. We called our doula over to the house at around 12pm and she did reflexology and massage on certain pressure points. I did a LOT of walking, lunges, squats, and birth ball exercises. I got to the place where I had to stop talking and walking to focus on my contractions, but they were still very irregular. At about 3pm we decided to head over to the birth center so that we wouldn't end up sitting in rush hour traffic on the

bridge. My doula reminded me not to get discouraged if I was only at 5 or 7 cm. when I got checked into the birth center.

When we arrived, my midwife checked me and optimistically let me know I was still at at the same place I had been before. I about started crying. I didn't see how it was possible since I was in so much more pain than before! Tommy continued to coach me through all the millions of Bradley Method exercises for the next 5 hours. At about 9pm I was at 8 cm and still stationed at -1. The contractions were just about unbearable. It was really true- it felt like the hand of God had reached into me and was squeezing with all his might! I stayed very focused and, as much as was possible, stayed on top of the pain for the next 9 hours.

Looking back it was a blur, but I can remember a moment where I was laying on the bed with all my loved ones around me trying to assist in any way they could. I remember starting to lose control- my whole body shaking violently, moaning at the top of my lungs and crying out to have someone pray. I remember my doula jumping in front of my face and commanding me to get on top of the pain- to get back in control. Once the prayer was spoken, there was a supernatural peace that came over me. I went and got in the hot tub with Tommy and regained control of the pain. I was not allowed to stay in there long as my doula didn't want me to get too relaxed- we wanted to get that baby out! I was so tired, I was falling asleep in between my contractions. At this point I had been in labor for about 50 hours and active/hard labor for 24 hours. At 6am, my midwife's student, Karen checked my progression. I was still at the same place, 8cm and STILL stationed at -1! I remained very focused and just wanted to keep laboring and doing whatever it took to get this baby into our arms! My midwife and her student disappeared for a few minutes and then reappeared with concern written on their faces. They explained to us that the baby's head was in a transverse position. I asked them what that meant and they explained that rather than the baby's head being tucked chin-down, his head was turned to the side and chin- up. Basically he was stuck on my pelvis and was not dropping down into position. I asked them what that meant and they explained that at that point, they would need to do a hospital transport. I was devastated! I had myself a good cry and then Tommy shifted into "lets get out of here!" mode. I moaned and leaned on Tommy all the way to the hospital to cope with the pain. When I got to the hospital, it was every stereotype I ever thought it would be: Impersonal, rude and impatient. They referred to me the whole time as "the patient" rather than my name. My midwife and the doctors insisted they give me relief for the pain. They explained that my body was just too exhausted to push through and if I didn't let my body relax, the baby would go into shock and I would also go into shock. After 2 hours of waiting for the anesthesiologist, I was finally given relief for the pain. The last I remember of the contractions, they were right on top of each other- triple peaking with only about 10 seconds in between.

After 2 more hours, the hospital's midwife came in and told me I would have to get a cesarean. Both Tommy and I were again, just absolutely devastated. She explained her cesarian rate was only 3%, and mine was not an option.

They immediately went to it and took me into the operating room.

I tried to stay positive for Tommy as he was just completely emotionally spent. I knew God was in control and we were not (as is the story of our lives!) All I could think about was how we were FINALLY going to meet our son! I began rambling off all the things I hoped they would do for us from my birth plan- immediate skin to skin, waiting to cut the umbilical cord, etc. Most of which they were not able to comply with.

Me and Tommy awaited patiently as they performed the surgery...and then I heard it! His sweet little baby cry!! It was surreal as he was lifted up and I saw this head full of strawberry blonde hair. All I could think of was "thats our baby son...and look at that head of hair!!":o) They let me kiss his little red face and then took him to the side for the apgar tests and Tommy followed to cut the umbilical cord. I was wheeled off to recovery while Tommy stayed with the baby. A couple of minutes later they brought my baby to me and set him on my chest. The nurse that assisted me, said that in the 5 years she had been there, she had never seen them bring a baby to the mommy after a c section to establish breast feeding. It was amazing.

After 3 days, and countless visitors later, we were released to go home and be a family. It has since completely rocked our world. It has been awesome, exhausting, loving and hard. SO many lessons to be learned through this experience. People wonder why it was such a big deal to have the natural childbirth. To which my response is- I don't know how to put it into words- it just was. I have dealt with it and laid it to rest. All I know is that God's plan is perfect- my plans are not. I can try to have my ducks in a row all I want and God will still always have his way in my life. He has to be the one that's in control. My midwife repeated over and over throughout my time at the hospital, "healthy baby, healthy mom- that is the goal" In the end, it truly was, in more ways than one, a triumphal entry. It is all about surrendering to Him. I now have a beautiful healthy baby boy and I am almost fully recovered as well. Psalm 139

The 9 plagues...and counting

One of the main questions I have gotten while I have been pregnant is "what side effects have you had- cravings, morning sickness, etc..?" So for all the inquiring minds that want to know I have broken it down. Not only for all the millions of readers that I have but also for my own kicks. 

I am entering into my 9th month now and I have had a lot of plagues in my pregnancy. They seem to come and go, as if on call, at the beginning and the end of each month. Im not gonna lie- I just read over it and I am such a Debbie Downer! haha! But I cant complain, because overall it has been an amazing pregnancy. I really have loved being pregnant!

My first trimester

I had very few setbacks except for a flip flop of the tummy every now and then, which is actually the feeling that made me raise a brow to discover I was pregnant in the first place. And the only other thing was a heightened sense of smell (my sis cursed me with that one)- which would seriously gross me out at times. Really- who needs to cook a 5 course meal with brats & sauerkraut at work with the means of only a toaster oven and microwave all within an 8x10 break room??(makes me wanna hurl just thinkin about it!) Oh and having to pee every 30 minutes can get really annoying too! You have to drink like a gallon of water a day!

Around my 5th month is when I started showing to the point where people, who didnt know I was pregnant, would actually feel comfortable enough to ask if I was expecting and tell me I had "the glow". Yay! This is the point when I first started to really lose sleep though, while getting adjusted to my new  left side-position (docs orders!) and due to paranoia of rolling onto my back and cutting off the babies air-supply! I do tend to develop OCD towards certain things sometimes.

 

My 6th month is when it all really began for me. I just kind of POPPED! Can we just say the holidays were good to me? I got large and in charge very quickly... which kind of came with some extras. yay. The lovely self esteem-boosting comments such as "are you sure your not due any day now?" (at 6months? really??) and "Are you having twins?" and "Wow! You are WAAAAY bigger than I was at 6 months!" Then to continue my ego boost, the ugliest, reddest, stretch marks from hell exploded over my entire tummy- literally almost overnight. The list goes on with the backaches like I have never experienced in my life, the numb limbs and charlie horses, etc...It was a fun month let me tell ya. luckily I had the holidays to cheer me up right? Lots of mocktails- they just dont seem to have the same effect for some reason...

As I came into my 7th month, the prego rash creeps into my life...PUPPS. The most infuriating, hellish nightmare of an itch that I could ever imagine! It started on my tummy, crept to where the sun dont shine and then made an appearance on my ankles and arms as well. Thankfully that is the only infliction God allowed me to endure for that month. This is also when I really started to feel the baby all the time and see the little guy's limbs poking out of my tummy! Weird and alienish I know, but SO cool!

Thankfully, about a month later after buying every aveeno, curel & hydrocortizone product on the shelf, the itch subsided substantially and I started to sleep through the night again. BUT- Debbie Downer here- I got very sick and was in bed for a week and am still fighting it. I cant take anything because when your preggo, you apparently are off limits to every pharmaceutical savior that exists- and that includes most natural and herbal remedies.

Now I am coming up on my 9th month! So far the only plague I have is that, once again, I cant sleep. This time it is not due to discomfort, but rather that I cant turn off the brain! I am wired every night and usually will drift off around 130 or so and then wake up again at 4ish. So, thus the reason for my spontaneous blogging after a month and a half of nadda! I am only plagued with the most wonderful thoughts of our new little addition to our family. I certainly cant complain about that. I truly believe that the lack of sleep is God prompting me in the night to pray for little Preson as well as to prepare me for the long nights that lay before me as a new mommy. For this reason, I will gladly accept the lack of sleep, as well as any other plagues that may be left to come.

priceless moments in time

over the last couple of months I have really been growing quite large in my pregnancy with Preson! I am coming up on 31 weeks! time has flown. i am really starting to feel him move more forcefully  and actually see him through my tummy. it is an amazing feeling! i have so much to do.  once the holidays have passed, i will be able to really pour so much more of my energy into getting prepared for the little one. i cant wait! i still havent had 2 seconds to make progress with the baby room. THAT is one thing i am really looking forward to. I started cleaning it up about 3 months ago and it came to a quick halt as we had several guests staying with us constantly up until now.  so once the dust has settled with my crazy life (does it ever??) i hope to get registered, make a day of antiquing to find some things for the baby room, paint a small mural on it's wall (non toxic fume paint of course :)) and finish reading my bradley method of natural childbirth book.  along with a lot of other things. I am loving life and am praising my God for the abundant, obvious blessings he is pouring out on my family! i cant wait to meet this precious baby boy!